Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
