so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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