Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
