he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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