dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
