I didn't shave. On purpose
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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