And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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