One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
