And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
