First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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