google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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