the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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