when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why do cheetos always look like penises
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
