i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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