My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
