He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
