wanna go halves on a baby?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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