20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
