he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
