i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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