ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
