he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
