We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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