he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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