Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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