i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
