i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Two words: blizzard sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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