wake up i wanna do it froggy style
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
