I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
