Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
