If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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