I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize