I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
