Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
