while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
