Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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