I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People in love make me want to vomit
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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