I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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