There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
