What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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