All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We left an ass print on the piano.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
