if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
