i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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