At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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