I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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