Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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