Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
