I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
