And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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