just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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