I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
