She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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