So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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