Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.