Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE