It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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