We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.