In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
