He felt like a one man threesome
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
