I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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