She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
