They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
