I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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