I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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