I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
