cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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