Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
