When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
