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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
