she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
