JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
