Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
