My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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