sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
