you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
