I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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