apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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