was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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