Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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