A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
