I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
