She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
