Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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