Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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