I just saw a hot homeless man
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
