Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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