sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
