ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
