remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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