i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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